dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
