I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
