if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
