Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
