Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
