We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize