what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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