You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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