You're completely useless in the revolution.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
