so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
