Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
