Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
