do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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