He uses pillows to masturbate.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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