i may or may not be watching the land before time
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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