Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
