his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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