How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
