I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
