the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just want nice things and good sex
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
