My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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