I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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