based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
