Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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