I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
