Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to make out with him forever
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
