I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
