I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
