What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
