Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
