He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
