those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
