hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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