This girl is more easily done than said...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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