you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
