sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
