How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize