i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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