apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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