Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
