so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
