3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
