If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
