I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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