life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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