Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
