im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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