The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize