You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
