if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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