It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
