we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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