She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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