come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
