i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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