i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
