I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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