Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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