i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
