he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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