i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
