Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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