hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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