i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize