my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
