I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
