My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
