Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
