Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize