I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
