Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
