I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
