She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize